December 27, 2016
An explanation of my year is enough to leave anyone speechless; including myself. I had a complete stranger ask me how my 2016 was. In attempting to answer this question, I choked on my words. I scrambled for a glimmer of positivity or hope in the next sentence that was sure to leave my mouth. Instead, I stood there staring at her; like a deer in headlights, I stared; I watched her get uncomfortable with my silence and finally mustered up the words “good…it was good.” I didn’t want to tell her the truth because the truth hurts. The truth is that 2016 was bad… really, really bad. Since March 31st at 1000 in the morning, I have had days where I struggled to breathe, eat, walk, or focus. I have had to be creative in finding joy. I have chased sanity (and thankfully found it) by pushing myself physically harder than I ever thought possible. I have found comfort in my children’s ability to heal. Most importantly, though, I have survived.
I, for one, am going to miss 2016. I got to live for 90 days with my son this year. I spent 90 glorious days soaking up his awesomeness. 2016 is the last year that I will ever be able to say that. This is the last year that his name will be on my medical insurance card. This is the last year that he was present for my birthday. This is the last year that I had three living children. So, thank you, 2016, for giving me moments that I will cherish for a lifetime. Thank you, 2016, for allowing me to recognize how strong I actually am. Thank you, 2016, for pushing me outside of my comfort zone so I can really start living.
Cheers to 2017 being everything that you want it to be.
Leave a Reply